Early in my career, I wrote for a magazine published for GMAC called Quest. The focus was on pursuing your dreams (I’m guessing GMAC hoped you’d finance those dreams through them), and it was a dream job for a 24-year-old.
My most memorable assignment was when I flew to Los Angeles to interview Jeff MacGregor, host of “The All-New Dating Game.” I spent the day on the set, talking to Jeff about his job as host of the revived ’70s game show classic.
That day was a WOW! Moment in my life for a few reasons. First, it was fun to get a behind-the-scenes look at how a television show is made. It was also cool to hang out with a celebrity. Then there was the fact that my editor let me tackle the feature story for the magazine. I was a new writer, and the assignment was my biggest story yet and a vote of confidence in my abilities.
However, there could have been one more WOW! Shortly before taping started, a producer came to me and asked if I would be on the show. Another contestant had arrived drunk, and they needed a replacement.
I said, “no.” I told her I had a boyfriend and couldn’t possibly do it. The real reason, though, was that being on television scared me.
Looking back, I regret that decision. Being on “The Dating Game” would have been an incredible WOW! Moment. That said, I understand why 24-year-old Stephanie made that decision at that moment. She was afraid.
Last year, I interviewed Daniel H. Pink for Fast Company about his book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. He told me: “Regret is a negative emotion, and the real question is, ‘how do we treat negative emotions?’ We can ignore them. That’s a bad idea. We can wallow in them. That’s a bad idea. What we should do is confront them. If we confront our regrets and approach them in a systematic way, they can actually be a powerful engine for forward progress.”
My regret about saying “no” falls into an area Dan calls “boldness regrets.” It’s when we don’t take chances, and it’s one of the top-four types of regrets.
“Regret is ubiquitous,” he told me. “It is functional and part of the human experience. It exists for a reason. If we are awake to the reason—that regret instructs—we can use this negative emotion as a positive force that instructs and clarifies and leads us in positive directions if we treat it right.”
Dan recommends extracting its lesson by asking yourself, “What would I want to have done differently based on what I’ve learned here?” Then, apply that lesson to the next juncture and go in a different direction.
I have learned a lot since that day. I now know that taking chances can be fun and lead to WOW! Moments. I’ve also developed a stronger self-confidence. And I’ve learned I can laugh at myself if I make mistakes. If the opportunity to be on a game show repeats itself in the future, I will definitely say “yes.”
So, what are some of your regrets? How can you use them going forward?
I regret my choice of colleges. I was all set to go to Flager college, a small school. I had paid my deposit, had a roomate, everything. My dad decided I should go to a larger state school and I gave into his pressure. I often wonder what my life would have been like had i listened to my gut.