I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, thinking about who I used to be versus who I am today. Do you do that, too?

Past Stephanie was the priestess of productivity. An ambassador of all things organization. She made it her job—literally—to hunt down the latest and greatest tool and time-management hack. She wrote hundreds if not thousands of articles about how to get more done in less time. She even launched a business to help moms get organized that she later sold to FranklinCovey.

Her goal in life was to streamline, prioritize, analyze, and memorialize everything she did as a way to validate her worth. She wore “busy” like a badge of honor. And it was bedazzled. Productivity was a competitive sport and she. Was. Going. For. Gold.

But then a major gut punch happened, dangling this little question before her: Is this how you want to live your one wild and precious life?

Ouch.

Here’s the thing: color-coded calendars and productivity hacks aren’t the enemy. In fact, they can be awesome. Powerful, even. But I was using them to bulldoze through life, and not to actually build one. More clients? Yes. More income? You bet. More validation? Bring on the dopamine hit. For 10 years straight, I continually outdid myself, breaking last year’s record every time.

Sounds impressive … except for one thing. Work was my entire identity. It was a game, and I wanted to keep leveling up.

Here’s a picture my late husband David took while we were on a vacation on Hilton Head Island. It’s of me sitting by the pool with my laptop. He posted it to Facebook with the caption, “She’s always working.”

I can still remember the sting I felt when I read his words. He was right. I was always working … because I didn’t have anything else to do. And I didn’t have anything else to do … because (you guessed it) I was always working. It was a Catch 22. A vicious circle.

If someone asked me, “What are your hobbies,” I’d blink like a confused Roomba. I literally had no answer. I didn’t play golf. Or tennis. Or even pickleball. I didn’t garden. Cook. Knit. Or competitive yodel. I couldn’t truthfully say “I read,” because I didn’t. And that’s borderline criminal because I’M A WRITER!!

What I did have was a long list of things that I was gonna do “someday.” Like twirl a baton, visit France, join an improv class, dabble in watercolor, and ride a Zamboni. But those dreams were gathering dust in the corner (like my ukulele) while I was busy checking off tasks on a soul-sucking to-do list. I was using productivity for evil, not good. And evil, my friends, looks like spreadsheets at the beach.

And that’s when we cue Spider-Man.

 

Remember when Uncle Ben told Peter Parker, “With great power comes great responsibility”? Swap “web-slinging” with “time-blocking” and you’ve got the modern adult version. Being productive is a superpower. But what are you using it for?

If productivity hacks free up time for you to chase your next WOW! Moment—whether it’s twirling the baton, backpacking through Costa Rica, or mastering the art of sourdough—then you’re using them for good. Go, you!! But if you’re just optimizing yourself into oblivion, you’re crossing over into the dark side. The place where regret, lost opportunities, and all-work-and-no-play Stephanie live.

Here’s a reality check: If you checked out of this life tomorrow, what would you regret not doing? Go put that on your to-do list and smoke it!

Honestly, if I hadn’t lost someone important to me, I’d probably still be bringing my laptop to the pool, using the lame excuse “someone has to pay your greens fees.” But you don’t need a tragedy to wake you up and push you off the hamster wheel. You just need to decide to do more. Be more. Live more.

Spider-Man said, “It’s the choices that make us who we are.” So, make the bold one. Use reclaimed time to twirl the damn baton. And if you want, wear a cape. You’re a superhero, after all.