Going to Paris for my birthday was my sister’s idea. I don’t think it would have occurred to me to take the trip. On the off chance that it did, I’d likely have dismissed the idea as being too bold. I have to say, going—all by myself—is something I’m very proud of. It was très magnifique. And when I look back at the milestone birthday, I will always think of Paris. (And I’ll feel all fancy pants about myself.)

I was surprised at how many people confessed to me that they wished they had the courage to take a solo trip. Let me tell you, I am not a super brave person. When I was a baby, I was afraid of grass. I was once stuck in a fun house because I feared walking through the rotating cylinder exit. Currently, I am scared of clowns and tuna fish sandwiches.

I realized that the tendency to say “Nah” to your dreams and play life small is why you need a pusher. Someone who will either think up exciting things for you to do or push you to continually step out of your comfort zone by either holding you accountable or cheering you on when you start to have doubts.

I’m fortunate to have a few pushers in my life. My sister has been pushing me her entire life. Literally. She also pushes me with her example of how to live and love. I have several friends who push me, too. One is Jennifer, who has been my writing-turned-life accountability partner for more than ten years. My career wouldn’t have hit the levels it did without her, and she was there when my world was changing, reminding me that I’m strong. Another is my friend Kelly, who has an incredible zest for life. She calls herself a little “extra” (this is true) and inspires me to live life out loud. And cackle.

If you don’t have a pusher, make finding one a priority. Some vetting, however, is wise. It’s best to choose a person you can push back. Depending on your relationship, a sibling can be a good choice because you probably already feel comfortable saying what you think. You want to make sure that the kind of pushing you get is positive and doesn’t involve name-calling or drudging up the past.

If you pair up with a friend, it helps if you’re like minded. If you need someone to encourage you to go on adventures, it helps if they have an adventurous spirit and won’t try to talk you out of your dreams.

Your pusher can also be someone you don’t know. If you’re old enough to remember the Be Like Mike campaign from Gatorade, you know that celebrities and their accomplishments can be motivating, too. As a kid, I was a super picky eater, so I decided to be “brave” and try a cheeseburger when I heard it was Shaun Cassidy’s favorite food. I think I was 14.

Once you have your pusher, provide some pushing for them, too. Share your dreams or your list of wows. Then, motivate each other to follow them with timelines. Reciprocity can keep the pushing going like a seesaw.

An African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Even the most motivated WOW-seeker can use some help and inspiration from a pusher who prods them to new heights.